The Knife of PURE AWESOMENESS

At long last, I just finished The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness.  And you know what I have to say?

Wow.

So.  Good.

A synopsis really won’t do it justice (and, frankly, it will just sound kinda weird), but I should give you at least some idea of what it’s about:  A boy named Todd Hewitt is a month away from becoming a man in Prentisstown, a settlement on New World.  The town consists only of men who can hear each other’s thoughts (Noise, it’s called).  Then he finds a silent place in the woods which propels him to run from his town in order to survive.

Bleh.  I know that is a vague and terrible synopsis, but I don’t want to give anything away.  Let me just say that I laughed, I cried (I was upset for a good day after one particular scene), and I feel totally connected to the world and characters that Patrick Ness created.  Like Manchee, Todd’s dog.  Oh my god, how I love Manchee.  He talks, you see.  Yes, a talking dog.  And I swear that Patrick Ness must be able to actually talk to dogs, because if I dog could talk, it would talk exactly like Manchee, always looking for reassurance from its owner.

I love Manchee.

This book is a dystopia done right.  It’s so different from other books I’ve been reading.  And Todd has a unique voice and feels so real.  He had just the right number of flaws and the right amount of goodness and the right amount of self doubt.

One thing I really admire is that the book deals with religion and gender in a way that most YA doesn’t.  Ness isn’t afraid to go dark places and  criticize religious zealots.  Aaron, the preacher, is one of the most disturbing characters I’ve seen in a while.  This is a perfect example that you do not need to dumb down the material to write for teens–they get it, and they should be allowed to explore these dark parts of human nature.  Let’s give them a little credit (plus, I’m only four years removed from being one of them).

Okay, so clearly I love this book (it’s book 1 of a trilogy, by the way; all 3 books are already out.).  So I’m torn when I imagine it becoming a movie, as it is bound to do because it’s freaking amazing.  But how on earth (er…on New World) can they make a movie where you can hear everyone’s thoughts?  Noise is supposed to be distracting, so I imagine it would be distracting in a movie as well.  Hmm.  Well, they’ve got the always-weird Charlie Kaufman writing it , and if they get an appropriately weird director, I’m sure they’ll figure it out.  But I kind of don’t want to see this book ruined on the screen.  Maybe they should just let it rest in its awesomeness.

[image source]

Quitcherbitchin

I’m having one of those moments.

Those useless, unproductive, irrational moments where you think you’ll never be published and your writing’s shit and there’s no point in writing another damn word.

God, I hate these moments.  I mean what does it accomplish, really?  If I keep this up, I won’t write anything tonight and then I’ll feel worse tomorrow because I’ll have wasted another night.  Besides, not writing anymore isn’t an option.  Even when I think my work is terrible, I know I can’t stop.  What would I do?  There’s nothing else.  Really, nothing else that I want to do.

Shit.  That makes me more worried.  If I fail, that’s it.  No writing career=no career of any kind.  And yeah, I know, most people don’t sell their first book.  But it sure does suck to think about how I’ll have to take another year to write another book that might not sell.  Ugh.

Okay Aubrey, focus.  I’m losing sight of the point of all this.  I want to write another book.  I have an idea brewing (one that planted itself in my mind in a neuro class at Brown and came together into a potential book idea during a highly productive walk).  I want to write it.  I’m excited to write it.  I feel like it could be good.

But.  But, but, but.  I’m getting ahead of myself.  I need to put my effort into revising my first book before I can move on to my second book.  Which means I need to stop bitching all the time and worrying all the time (damn you, blog, you are just such a wonderful outlet for bitching and worrying!) and GET TO WORK.

Just freaking write, Aubrey.  WRITE.

I missed you, my dear, dear Internet!

I’m going through withdrawal.  I have been without the internet at home for a full week.  And I don’t have a smart phone because I’m not cool.  Oh, how I have missed the internet!

You see, I moved over the weekend (not out of LA, just to a different place within it).  And TimeWarner decided to shut off the internet early AND push back our appointment to have it hooked up again.  I’m going to have a panic attack about it soon.  Since I was too desperate to wait until it [supposedly] gets hooked up Friday, I’m sitting in a Starbucks, in the sun, with a glare so bright that I can barely see my screen, listening to the couple next to me argue about where to eat.  This is desperation.

But I’ll put up with all of that for you, dear readers.  And, okay, it’s not entirely for you–blogging helps with my novel-writing, so this is kind of for me.  But still, I missed you all too.

Anyway, because of the move, I haven’t gotten any writing done lately.  Last night was the first time I opened the Word doc for my book in a week.  I felt so, so guilty.  And I was out of the flow and couldn’t even remember where I left off.  Now I’m going to try to get back to doing it daily.  My goal is still to finish the first round of revisions by the end of the month, although I’m just coming to the part that I actually plan to change a lot, so that may slow me down.  Plus, I’m not exactly sure how to make the ending that I want work.  I’m just trying to have faith that it will come when I get to it.  ::crosses fingers::

Based on my very full inbox, I know that all my internet-connected blogger friends have been posting plenty for the past week, so I have lots to catch up on.  And I’m behind in my novel-reading (if you’re planning to move, be ready to give up several weeks of your life for it.  Erg).  So I’m still midway through The Knife of Never Letting Go, which I finally had to buy because the library wanted it back.

This is the week that I’ll get back on track.  I’m determined.

Adverbiage

As I was writing my first draft, I read lots of blogs and writing sites that warned me not to use too many adverbs.  Too many adverbs?  Nonsense, I thought.  Extra words mean a more descriptive sentence.  So, though I didn’t go out of my way to use adverbs, I didn’t stop myself either.  I just let them flow.

Now, as I revise, I’m beginning to understand the adverb problem.  I don’t want to say they’re always unnecessary, but sometimes they are.  For example, “She looks quizzically into the darkness” is better as “She squints into the darkness.”  The single verb there still gets across what I want to say.  Or sometimes, it’s not that there’s a better verb, it’s that I have already conveyed what the adverb is saying earlier in the sentence.  For example: “‘Screw you,’ he spits back as he marches further into the woods, plunking angrily to the ground…”  I don’t need the word angrily there.  I mean, he just told someone “screw you.”  And he didn’t say it–he “spit” it.  He’s clearly angry.

That’s not to say that I’m deleting every adverb from my manuscript.  Sometimes, I can’t think of a single word that means what I want to say.  Other times, I just like how the sentence flows better with the adverb.  And I’m not sure if this particular rule about not using adverbs still counts if the adverb modifies an adjective rather than a verb.  Yet I have this nagging fear that an agent’s reaction will be, “Great book, but what’s with all the adverbs?  I can’t represent an author who is this dependent on adverbs.”

I guess what I’m really asking is, to what extent should a writer follow the “rules” of writing?  If we all structure sentences the same way or avoid the same parts of speech, won’t our writing start to sound the same?  What’s the difference between a writer with a unique style and a writer who just sucks because she ignores the rules?

Unfortunately, I don’t have answers to these questions.  If my book gets universally rejected, I’ll know I did something wrong.  But I’m hoping that somebody will think it’s good, and then all this worry will have been for nothing.

Revising is not as fun as you’d think

Or maybe you’re smart and already knew that revising would be tough stuff.  I was naive heading into it.  I thought it’d be so much easier than writing the book was in the first place.  After all, I already have all those words and all those pages, so now I just have to fix typos and add some details, right?

Wrong.  Oh, so very wrong.

First of all, revising takes a long freaking time.  I mean, think about it: how long does it take you to read a book?  I know some people read really fast, but consider that you’re an average reader and you work full time and you only read at night.  It probably takes at least a couple of weeks per book, and that’s if you read most nights.  Now take something that same length, and instead of just reading it, make notes along the way (about typos, awkward sentences, inconsistencies, etc) and decide what to delete and, oh yeah, write in new stuff as well.  Ugh.

Plus, I’m having kind of a crisis.  I wrote this book intending for there to be a sequel.  I think the action would make people want to read a sequel, and I think that one book would not be enough for this story.  But then I was reading about how agents don’t want series from debut novelists, and publishers won’t buy series from debut novelists, and you’e screwed if you’re a debut novelist.  So basically, my book was dead from the start.

Okay Aubrey, calm down.

I mean, I can think of four authors off the top of my head that contradict that panic: Marissa Meyer (Cinder), Veronica Roth (Divergent), Stephenie Meyer (yeah, you know what she wrote), and J.K. Rowling (you really know what she wrote).  So maybe the no series rule only goes if you aren’t writing YA.  Most YA books seem to be part of a series, so maybe it would actually be a disadvantage to write a stand alone book.  And round and round I go.

Today, while seeing The Avengers, I had a brainwave about how I could end my book differently that might both make the ending a little more final and make reading a sequel more appealing.  I’m not entirely sure how to do it yet because I really hadn’t considered this possibility much, but I think it might be better than what I have now.  While that’s exciting, it’s also frustrating because it means rewriting the last few chapters substantially.  Oh boy!  Of course, I can’t shy away from the work if I really want to sell this thing, so I need to focus and do it.  And I will, I know I will (focus, not sell it), but it’s a bit (read: EXTREMELY) overwhelming.

And tonight, instead of getting some writing done, I’m going to see The Hunger Games again.  There’s nothing like watching kids kill each other to put my mind at ease.

How do you know when it’s done?

Revising is a slow process.  A slow and painful process.  I’ve only been at it for a week and already I feel wiped out.  I’m up to page 86 of 258 in my YA manuscript, so I’ve still got a ways to go.  After I finish my first round of revisions, I’ll send it to several more people and then go at it again.

I’ve only revised one section substantially so far.  I had to combine four scenes into three, which didn’t sound too hard when I decided to do it.  Two days later, I realized that it’s not as simple as cutting/copying/pasting.  I have the feeling those couple of chapters have some odd transitions now, but I had to just move on, and I figure I’ll go back to it later.  I spent too much time reading the same 20 pages.  I definitely need some distance.

Even after all that revising of those chapters, they don’t feel done.  And then I wondered, does any part of a manuscript ever feel done? And if not, how can the manuscript as a whole be finished and ready to send to agents?  There are so many versions of every scene that it’s hard for me to figure out if one is better than any other one, or if they’re all just different.  I guess there comes a point when you just have to make a decision and stick with it.  Everyone who reads it might suggest some variation, but ultimately you have to choose what feels right.

And on I go…

The Los Angeles Times Festival of Books

Last weekend, I went to my first book festival ever, the LA Times Festival of Books.  I arrived nervously at 10:30 in the morning on Saturday, dropped off by my husband and wandering on to USC’s campus alone.  I don’t know what I was nervous about.  I guess it was just because I had no idea what to expect.  I didn’t know if it would feel exclusive or I’d stick out like a sore thumb.

It took me a few minutes to actually find the festival.  The campus was big, and I was beginning to think I’d never find it.  I was relieved when I rounded a corner and saw these white tents…

I quickly realized that the festival was a lot like a state fair, minus the carnival rides.  There was a food court/food truck area, there were booths all over the place that radio stations and artists and independent booksellers had rented, there was a special section for kids.

After I got a map from the information kiosk, I headed for the YA stage.  The festival had about six different stages where there were author panels or readings that did not require tickets.  The first YA stage panel featured D.J. MacHale, Lauren Kate, Margaret Stohl, and Kami Garcia.  I’ll be honest: I hadn’t heard of any of these people.  I went because the panel was called “Young Adult Fiction: To Be Continued,” so I figured that all the authors had written series.  The only series I knew of was the Beautiful Creatures books, written by Stohl and Garcia.  However, after each of the authors did a reading from their books, I wasn’t very interested in any of them (except for MacHale’s ghosty-horror series, Morpheus Road.  And MacHale created the TV show Are You Afraid of the Dark!).  Anyway, here they are:

MacHale, Stohl, Garcia, Kate

After that, I went straight to a panel called “Writing YA” (the rest of the panels I went to required tickets).  I didn’t know the authors at that either, but by the end I realized that I will never forget who Libba Bray is.  Among others, she wrote Going Bovine about a kid who gets mad cow disease and Beauty Queens, which sounds like Lord of the Flies except with beauty queens.  Still probably won’t read her books, but she had an adorable personality and was extremely funny.

Next up: “Young Adult Fiction: On the Brink” with Patrick Ness, Mal Peet, and John Corey Whaley.  The only one of these authors I’ve read (okay, am in the middle of reading) is Patrick Ness.  I’m in the middle of The Knife of Never Letting Go which is freaking amazing.  It’s one of the first YA books I’ve read lately that I could imagine being taught in an English class because I feel like there’s a lot beneath the surface.  This was the first panel I went to for a specific author, so it was my favorite one up to that point.  However, I am also intrigued by Peet’s Life: An Exploded Diagram and Whaley’s Where Things Come Back.  Whaley is a first time novelist, and he was just so cute and seemed genuinely grateful during the Q&A when someone would compliment his book.

Whaley, Ness, moderator, Peet

After that, I had a two-hour gap before the next panel I had tickets for.  I enjoyed wandering around in the company of other books lovers.  I visited a bunch of the booths and bought a poster from these people who make some really weird art.  I also headed to the food trucks, which I was disappointed to learn had sold out of a lot of their stuff (note to self: next time, buy food before 3:00pm).  The first two trucks I went to were sold out of water, which I was desperate for by that point (second note to self: bring your own water bottle next time).

My last panel on Saturday was “Young Adult Fiction: The Real in the Unreal.”  I went specifically for Ransom Riggs, but the other two authors were Jack Gantos and Thane Rosenbaum.  I liked hearing about how Riggs already had a collection of vintage photos when he got the idea for Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children.  It was the photos that gave him the idea for the book, which I think is kind of cool as opposed to him thinking of the book and then searching for photos to fit it.  It seemed like a great way to come up with characters because he already had these really odd photos and he just had to make up each person’s story.

moderator, Gantos, Riggs, Rosenbaum

That was it for day 1.  I went back on Sunday for “Young Adult Fiction: The Wide Lens,” which Maggie Stiefvater was on.  The other authors were Lauren Myracle, Maureen Johnson, and Jacqueline Woodson.  Though all of these authors’ writing sounded quite different, they all agreed that they do not write down to their YA audience.  There was a consensus among them that nothing is off limits for teenagers (although the teenagers’ parents may not agree).  This got me thinking about censorship and what is/is not appropriate for teens.  I definitely kept the swears to a minimum in my book, mostly because I didn’t think they were necessary in a lot of places, but partly because I was afraid an editor would tell me to tone it down.  Maybe that’s a bad approach because I am, in a way, censoring myself.  What do you all think?

moderator, Johnson, Myracle, Stiefvater, Woodson

After this panel, I bought Myracle’s Shine and had her sign it, and I had Maggie Stiefvater sign a composition book that I bought that day because I forgot my copy of The Scorpio Races.  She also drew a very good sketch of a horse in the 10 seconds that she had my notebook.  I was impressed.

What I Learned

• Personality matters when you’re an author.  It’s easy to think that it wouldn’t matter because the author writes alone (usually) and the end product is what matters.  However, because authors have books tours, they need to be good in front of an audience.  Some of these authors tried too hard to be funny and really made me not what to read their work.  Some of them were pretty quiet, which could either come off as disinterested or cute and shy.  If it comes off as disinterested, that’s a real turn off.
• Panel name, however, does not matter.  I’d say that none of the panels I went to really related to the title assigned to the panel.  Multiple authors and moderators mentioned this as well.  Apparently this is the case most of the time, even at other festivals.  And because of that…
• Go to panels where you have read at least one of the authors.  I chose many of them based on the name of the panel, only to find out when I got there they it didn’t relate to that at all.  I enjoyed each panel for sure, but my favorite ones were the ones that I went to for a specific author.

Now that I’ve been to one book festival, I’m excited to go to another.  But when I was Googling other ones, I realized that a lot of them cost money!  What crap.  One I found was $395.  The next one was $790!  Um, no?  I think maybe the LA Times Festival of Books is unique in that most things are free (a pre-ordered panel pass was $30, indoor panel tickets the day of were only $1 each).  I will absolutely be going back next year, and I dream of one day being on a panel there to talk about my own book!

 By the way this was really cool:

The volunteers would give you a marker and you could write what you were reading on this massive wall.  Since I’m currently reading and revising my own book, I decided to write its title on here.  I thought it would be good luck.

My title is somewhere in that last picture.  Good luck finding it.

Don’t let your mom read your book

For the past week, I’ve been thinking about who my first round of readers should be for my book.  I don’t want to show it to everyone at once because then, after my first set of revisions, I won’t have any fresh eyes to show it to.  So far, I’ve only shown it to two people: a good friend from college, and my mom.

I was hesitant to send it to my mom.  I thought she’d just say it was good and wouldn’t give me an criticism.  So before I sent the book to her, I sent this email:

I’m trying to decide if I should let you read my book yet.  I’m afraid you’ll be overly complimentary.  And tell everyone all about it.  If I send it to you, can you manage to give your honest opinion and NOT MENTION IT TO ANYONE?

She responded with:

I’ve been waiting for this invitation.  Of course I can NOT MENTION IT TO ANYONE!

I should have noticed that she didn’t promise not to be complimentary.  But I sent it to her anyway.  And a few days later, I got this text:

I’m reading the best book I have EVER read in my life!

So much for not being overly complimentary.  Now, I appreciate that she loves it (I mean, if your mom doesn’t love your book, who will?), but I’m thinking I should have not showed her the book yet.  I should have strategically saved her as a reader.  See, I’m not beaten down yet by rejection because I haven’t queried.  Once I’ve queried, I’ll totally need the ego boost from my mom, but I’ve already wasted it.

What I”m getting at is that you should look for readers who will be honest.  It’s impossible to step away from your own writing enough to see the flaws that other people will see.  My friend who read it just spent an hour video chatting with me and telling me her thoughts (because she’s awesome).  All of her comments were very helpful.  Some of them, I’d considered before, but she brought up plenty of things that I hadn’t thought of.  It definitely gave me a lot to think about as I revise.

Besides all the things I learned that might make my book better, I also learned that I can take criticism.  Granted, my friend was tactful about her criticism, and I’m sure there are plenty of people who will be blunt and harsh, but I wasn’t even sure how I’d handle light criticism.  I only feel grateful, not offended.  Thanks, Lise!

P.S. – Stay tuned for a post on my weekend at the LA Times Festival of Books.

P.P.S – Thanks for reading my book, Mom!  And thank you for thinking it’s the best thing ever.

 

Hi, my name is Aubrey and I’m a writer.

Today, I went and picked up my printed manuscript from Staples (for the very reasonable price of $25.25).  When the girl at the print center opened it up so I could check it, I almost cried.  I couldn’t believe it was sitting there in front of me, printed out like a real manuscript.  When I exclaimed to her that it was my first novel, she tried her damndest to look interested.  Customer service is, after all, part of her job.  I could tell she wasn’t actually excited for me, but I can’t blame her.  What the hell does she care what the customers pick up?

I’ve been pretty obnoxious for the last few days, telling everyone I work with that I finished my book.  I can’t help it.  I feel like I have to spew that information everywhere.  Forgive me, everyone.  I’m not trying to brag, I’m just in awe.

I began to wonder today when the turning point was for me, when did I begin to think of myself as a writer?  When did it become an integral part of who I am?  If somebody asked me to tell them 6 things about myself (I don’t know why they’d pick 6, but just go with it), I’d probably say: 1) I’m a vegetarian (born and raised) 2) I was home schooled for half my life.  3) I’m tall.  4) I have a terrible back for a 23-year-old (in fact, I have a terrible back for a 40-year-old).  5) I went to Brown.  6) I’m a writer.

I’m a writer.

When did that sneak its way in there?  Honestly, I can’t tell you.  I think I’ve been a writer for a long time even though I would never had said that to anyone.  Now I feel like it’s fair to say.  Like it’s necessary to say.

And here is the printed manuscript:

I also bought some nifty colored ballpoint pens so I can mark this sucker up and give it a real chance at success.  Aren’t they pretty?

Now that it’s printed, I can really get started revising.  It will be nice not to stare at the computer ALL the time.  So which color should I start editing with first?  I’m thinking good ol’ classic red.

For all you writers out there, when did you first feel like a writer?

Revise revise revise

Now that I’m a whopping two days removed from finishing my first young adult novel, I keep asking myself: what now?

Revisions, of course.  But I’ve read that you should step away from your work for a few weeks, let it sit, get some distance.  That way you can look at it with “fresh eyes.”

Do you know how freaking hard that is?

Now that it’s done, I can’t wait to go back and fix stuff.  I want to get it in fighting form for my first round of querying (which I hope to do in about July).  I’ve never revised a whole manuscript before (namely because I’ve never written one), so I’m a little nervous about it.  I don’t even know where to begin.  Well, I mean, I know where to begin generally: the beginning.  But then what?  Small-scale changes–like fixing typos or rewriting a single sentence–seem easy.  Large-scale changes–like adding entire characters or reworking entire plot points or chapters–are scary as hell.  But I just keep reminding myself that, no matter how hard it is, it can’t be as hard as staring at a blank page and trying to conjure ideas from my mind.  Now, it’ll be like baking a cake from a Betty Crocker cake mix rather than starting from scratch with no recipe (sorry, I’m hungry right now).

My first step has been to send the entire document to my friend Lise, who I know will have helpful feedback.  I’m a little nervous because she is the first person to see the whole thing besides me and my husband, but I definitely need someone to see it who knows pretty much nothing about the plot.  I talked out most plot points with my husband, so when he read it he already knew what to expect.

I did give Lise a brief synopsis because I figured most readers would read the book flap before reading the book, so I wanted it to be a similar experience.  What I realized was that it’s very hard to write a synopsis of your book.  What should the first sentence be?  How do I drop clues about the exciting things that will happen without giving too much away?  How do I make it not sound generic?  I suppose this was also my first lesson in query-writing because my query will have to have an attention-grabbing synopsis.  I have the feeling I will be writing many many versions before I get it right.

And honestly, I CAN’T WAIT!